We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
