i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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