You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
