ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Randomize
