At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
