ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize