Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
