do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
