dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
