just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
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