CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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