Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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