Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
