I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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