I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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