My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
