ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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