you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
