is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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