Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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