Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
