if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Randomize
