Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
pop tarts are not kleenex
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
