i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
