New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
