We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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