I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
She needs sedatives and a leash
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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