I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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