It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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