So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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