y did u give ur computer a hand job?
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
