My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
operation harelip BJ is a go
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
