oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
