The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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