the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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