I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
