Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
