I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I've blown a few things in my day
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
