you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
