we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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