you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
