we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
