How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize