Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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