Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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