every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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