I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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