At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
