how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
