You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
