Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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