So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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