I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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