drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
