just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
