I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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