I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
