He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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