Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Randomize
