Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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