if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Randomize
