We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
