Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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