I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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