She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Randomize
