I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Randomize